Imagine this - A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up. She replied, "You mean imagine that it's good?!"
Married at a Nudist Colony - Have you heard about the couple who got married in a nudist colony? They wanted everyone to be sure who the best man was!
Dead Wife? - How can you tell if your wife is dead? Sex is the same but the dishes are stacking up in the sink!
Keep A Man From Wanting Sex - How do you keep a man from wanting sex? You marry him!
Mailman Here? - Husband: Honey, has the mailman come yet? Wife: No, but he's panting and sweating pretty hard.
Only Time - I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
Incompatible - Once heard from a girl who just broke up with someone: My old boyfriend and I weren't compatible. I'm a virgo and he's an asshole!
What's the difference... - Q: What's the difference between a penis and a paycheck? A: You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Major Cause of Divorce - Q: What's the major cause of divorce? A: Once is not enough.
Wedding - She offered her honor, He honored her offer, And so all night long, it was on-her and off-er!
The couple and the shoe salesman - The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude. It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite." Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it. The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose. "Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no knickers on. But most of all, I'm not going to punch anyone who's big enough to eat that much ice cream!"
First Man? - The newlyweds were on their honeymoon when the groom asked, "Honey, you can tell me. Am I the first man?" She looked up and said, "Why does everybody ask me that?!"
Pinoccio - What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinoccio's nose? "Tell a lie."
In Common - What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them!
Miss Most - What do most women miss most about being single? Having sex!
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